Football Quotes

Managers, players, commentators – they all have something to say. Sometimes it’s profound, other times profane; and then there are those special moments when the foot goes into the mouth and something comes out that makes us all laugh. Perhaps it’s the excitement that trips them up, or maybe the fact that they always seem to use a dozen words when one would have sufficed. Late sports commentator David Coleman even gave rise to a new word for these hilarious departures from rational thought – ‘Colemanballs’.

Here are a forty hilarious ‘Colemanballs’ that have caused us to guffaw and titter over the years. Let’s start with ten of the obvious, after all there’s nothing like stating it…

“If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.”

David Coleman

“Germany are a very difficult team to play – they had 11 internationals out there today.”

Steve Lomas

“Man City have scored in all of their home wins this year.”

Rob Hawthorne

“Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl, except of course those of us who are goldfish.”

Graham Taylor

“I was a young lad when I was growing up.”

David O'Leary

“Diego Maradona – a flawed genius who has now become a genius who is flawed.”

Jimmy Hill

“Forest have now lost six matches without winning.”

David Coleman

“Despite the rain, it’s still raining here at Old Trafford.”

Garry Lyon

“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing.”

Terry Venables

“When a player gets to 30, so does his body.”

Glenn Hoddle

[dropcap2]”[/dropcap2] Pointing out the obvious is one thing, numbers are quite another. Despite having them emblazoned on their shirts and needing to know the score, numbers seem to be a bit of a weak point for many in the footballing fraternity. Here’s another 10 hilarious bloopers, this time from the numerically challenged…

“Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.”

Kevin Keegan

“And Farmer has now scored 19 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season”

Ruud Gullit

“The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23.”

Kevin Keegan

“My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven.”

David Beckham

“When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.”

Lawrie McMenemy

“I've had 14 bookings this season – 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.”

Paul Gascoigne

“We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.”

Kevin Keegan

“We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.”

Ruud Gullit

“They’re the second best team in the world and there’s no higher praise than that.”

Kevin Keegan

“That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice.”

Trevor Brooking

[dropcap2]”[/dropcap2] And it’s not just maths; you really have to wonder if some footballers ever went to school. Here’s another 10 howlers which seem to indicate that English, Geography and even Science would all be marked ‘could do better’ on the School of Football end of term report…

“Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than English sides like Wales.”

Ron Greenwood

“Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they’re from South America.”

Kevin Keegan

“I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.”

Mark Draper

“Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's – movement and positioning.”

Ron Atkinson

“I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country.”

Ian Rush

“The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.”

Phil Neville

“If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.”

Terry Venables

“Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.”

Tom Ferrie

“Martin O'Neill standing hands on his hips, stroking his chin.”

Mike Ingham

“There are kids out there who'd chop their legs off to play football for Brighton.”

Robbie Savage

[dropcap2]”[/dropcap2] Letting the words pop out before engaging the brain seems to apply to just about anything in the wonderful world of footballing gaffes. Here’s a final 10 – from the weird and woolly to the just plain wrong…

“I had mixed feelings, like watching your Mother in Law drive over a cliff in your car.”

Terry Venables

“I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.”

Norman Whiteside

“I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.”

Stuart Pearce

“Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.”

Vinnie Jones

“I would not say he is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.”

Ron Akinson

“I'm as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.”

Ugo Ehiogu

He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it – you can see it all over their faces.”

Ron Atkinson

“I don't believe in luck… but I do believe you need it.”

Alan Ball

[dropcap2]”[/dropcap2] And finally, let’s leave the last golden Colemanball to a man who seems happier than most to squeak up in any situation… David Beckham.

“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.”

David Beckham